English Jokes


What is joke? Well, joke is:
  • a humorous anecdote or remark intended to provoke laughter;
  • activity characterized by good humor;
  • a ludicrous or grotesque act done for fun and amusement;
  • a triviality not to be taken seriously
1. Water Your Flowers Every Day

Download mp3 of "Water Your Flowers Every Day"

script:

"Flowers need water," said the teacher. "Water your flowers every day, or they'll die."
One morning Mother saw Marry out in the garden and asked, "What are you doing there, Marry?"
"Watering flowers," said Marry.
"But it is raining now!"
"Oh, it doesn't matter. Mum."

2. Multiple Functions of a Fly Swatter

Download mp3 of "Multiple Functions of a Fly Swatter"


script:

A mother came home from shopping for tea, and saw that some tea had already been made by her 15-year-old daughter. The mother then asked the daughter, "Did you use the tea strainer?" Because in England they use chopped tea leaves to make tea, and you have to use a tea strainer to strain out the tea leaves, and then drink only the liquid. And the daughter said, "Yes, mother, I did filter the tea leaves. But I couldn't find the tea strainer, so I used the fly swatter. "The mother said, "Oh! My God! Why did you do that? You shouldn't have done that!" And the daughter said, "Oh mother, don't panic. It's just an old one. I didn't use the new one."

3. I Guess It's All Right.

Download mp3 of "I Guess It's All Right."

script:

Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. "Uh-oh," I said, realizing my mistake. "I just made an illegal turn." "I guess it's all right." my daughter replied, "The police car behind us did the same thing."